i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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