I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Soap is not a condiment
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
