I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
