My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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