Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
