i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
