it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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