Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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