Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
