I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
