i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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