hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
