Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I am available for nakedness
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
