I wish I could punch you in the face.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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