last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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