Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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