You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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