It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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