I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
