i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
