my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
