Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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