How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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