thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
