Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I need water and some morals
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
