the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
