so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
