i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
