apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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