Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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