OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
