i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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