Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
