i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Text me some of your sweat
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
