is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
