so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
