I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
