and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
