thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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