It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
