So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
