walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
