why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
