they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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