Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
