I just threw up on my dentist
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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