and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
