You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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