We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
