He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
