wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
