I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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