Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
