You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
